Dear Friend,

One of the joys of being your own boss is having control over your vacation scheduling and workload (this can also be a pitfall, but we'll save that for another time). Many of you have been very kind to ask where I have been the past few months and the simple answer is I took some time off. I know that those of you who know me well are thinking "time off from what? You don't do anything anyway!" Well, that is not entirely accurate but in any event I had other plans and priorities, which leads into today's topic.

I had two brief encounters over the summer that stand in sharp contrast. The first occurred when my wife and I rented an authentic teepee at one of the Ohio state parks. We were out in the middle of the wilderness (except for the teepee next to us) enjoying the quiet beauty of creation when a family of four arrived to be our weekend neighbors. As their kids excitedly explored the teepee and we chatted with the parents, the father's cell phone went off. He answered immediately, and walked off a short distance while engaging in an intense work-related discussion. His wife rolled her eyes and said "that's one thing we can't get away from - his phone". It was clear that this was not the first time that their family time had been interrupted.

Another day this summer, my daughter and I were cruising down a state highway that runs through part of the large Amish community east of Cleveland. At one point I spotted an Amish family - three generations, male and female, all wearing authentic garb - playing volleyball in the front yard of their farmhouse. This was in the middle of the afternoon in the middle of the week! Didn't they know there was work to be done? I thought they were all about austerity and hard work, not carefree fun!

What can we learn about balance from these two contrasting episodes? The first incident is simply a real-life example of what many or perhaps most Americans are experiencing these days. The line between work and rest has blurred, slid, and in some cases virtually disappeared so that work (or thinking about or preparing for work) consumes our evenings, weekends, and even our wilderness "getaways".

I once was surveying questionnaires submitted by students in a professional class in which we asked them to rank themselves on a whole series of life skills so that we could then assist them in setting goals for what they wanted out of the class. Most of them had achieved business success at various levels, but despite the high marks many of them gave themselves in other areas, every single one ranked themselves very low at achieving balance in their lives.

It is impossible to "find" balance in your life. You do not slouch onto a bicycle and hope that you will "find" balance - you sit and move in such a way as to purposefully create balance. You plan for it to happen. After a while, it becomes second nature. Dr. Howard Hendricks was coaching someone who wanted to grow deeper in his relationship with his wife. He told Hendricks that it was a priority for him. Hendricks then asked the man for his day planner and after flipping through it commented "you say that this is a priority but I don't see your wife's name written in any of the appointment slots"!

So what about the Amish volleyball game? Unfortunately we had an appointment elsewhere so I could not stop to interview them, but I suspect from my limited knowledge of Amish culture and practice that the following was what had happened that day: The family was up before sunrise. They all had chores that needed to be done, animals that needed to be cared for, tasks planned for the farm that day. They proceeded to perform those tasks efficiently, promptly, purposefully, and skillfully. And, when the morning work time was done completely and properly, they probably enjoyed a large family meal together. Then, since it was neither harvest nor planting season, they purposefully engaged in some family fun. After all, what could be more enjoyable? And, what else was there to do - sit around and worry about the lack of rain, or how much work there would be to do when the harvest came? No, this was time much better spent, enjoying the summer sun while we had it.

I further would speculate that after the volleyball game and before evening chores began, they committed the ultimate 21st century American heresy - they probably took naps during the hot part of the day! (A habit also practiced by no less than hard- working John D. Rockefeller.) They knew that it would ultimately prove to be more productive to stop for some rest and relaxation, and return to work refreshed for their evening chores. When we push ourselves without this, we not only fatigue ourselves but our work suffers as well.

The formula for balance might go as follows: under scheduling + working efficiently + committing to and scheduling personal time + saying "no" + lowered career expectations = balance. I'm sure the last part of that formula raised eyebrows. What, you mean I have to sacrifice something? YES! You do NOT have enough time to be everywhere and do everything that the professional world demands plus fulfill your duties as significant other/spouse/parent/friend plus have any time or energy left for yourself. The choice is yours, but remember - no one ever said on their deathbed "I wish I had spent more time at the office". If you don't start making a life today, you will simply spend the rest of your days making a living.

(c) 2007 Robert J. Yanega

Humor of the Month
The only nonsense you'll find here "At the Sharper Image Store I saw a body fat analyzer. Didn't that used to be called a mirror?" Jay Leno

Recommended Reading This Month
Doing Work You Love by Cheryl Gilman This is not the absolute best treatise on the subject, but it is a good read and has a lot of resources in it. Plus, you can get it cheap at Barnes and Noble right now!

Dear Friend,

Last month we looked at what’s wrong with New Year’s resolutions and how to plan for meaningful growth and change in your life. I also alluded to the whole issue of living life deliberately, and that is what I want to briefly address this month.

First, I have a confession. This was supposed to have been written and sent out last Friday. I planned it and it was in my calendar. But, the important thing about planning is actually executing your plan – putting it into action. Hopefully this will serve to humble me; encourage you by demonstrating that even people who appear to “have it all together” sometimes drop the ball; and warn both of us to stay diligent and stick to the plan! I have several valid and many not-so-valid excuses as to why it didn’t happen, but the reality is that I did not work my plan.

That’s the second part of the old adage, “plan your work; work your plan”, and is equally important to the planning itself. But, we covered that need for action last month, so this month I want to focus on the “plan your work” portion. A more accurate statement of what I am about to share, however, is “plan your time”. There is every need to plan all of our time – work, family, leisure, etc. if we are going to lead truly successful and joy-filled lives.

When we have no time plan, several problems inevitably erupt. The first is the “tyranny of the urgent”. Without prior planned commitments, almost anything that is presented to us in our day automatically becomes something we must do RIGHT NOW because we don’t have anything else planned for that time slot. So, whether it is a legitimate emergency or merely noticing that our large and small paper clips need sorting, we focus on this new task before all else.

It’s easy to see how this leads to the second problem of “time leaks” in our day. Occasionally we will be so genuinely immersed in a worthwhile task that we look up and are astonished at how much time has elapsed. More often, however, we fritter away the day and then wonder where the time went and why we didn’t get anything accomplished. What started out as getting a report done turned into a search for a paper clip and then straightening out of the drawer during which time someone came by to chat and, since we had totally forgotten the report for now, we chatted until it was time for lunch after which we remembered we should stop over at - anyway, you know the story. Suddenly it was 5 o’clock and no completed report.

The net result of these time leaks and being tyrannized by the urgent is that our emotional energy is also drained so that we have this nagging feeling of having wasted the day, being pushed around by others, not doing our share or contributing anything meaningful to life. This can quickly lead to burnout, depression, and a total loss of joy. The worst part is the way most people attempt to fix it.

Some common “solutions” for burnout and depression are “vegging out”, shopping, drinking, gambling, vacations – all unplanned, all unhelpful. Why? They actually INCREASE the problem, not solve it. Like a person on a liferaft in the ocean who is dying of thirst, we begin to believe that partaking of the easiest option will cure us. But as we drink the saltwater of doing nothing, we only get thirstier! It’s a death spiral that worsens the problem, not solves it.

Let’s try this as a genuine solution to our depression and lethargy – let’s plan our way out of it. I know, your first thought is “that doesn’t sound like any fun”. You’re right – IF you don’t plan any fun into it as well. Do you like chatting at the watercooler? Fine – plan a 10 minute break and then announce that you have something on your schedule and have to get back to work – whether the something is finishing the report or sorting paper clips! As long as you have it on the schedule, you will feel a sense of commitment to it and you will communicate that to others.

What about leisure time – doesn’t scheduling ruin the fun of it? Well, yes, if you go to excess. If you seem to never have time to spend with your kids, suddenly announcing that all of you are going to the backyard to make snow angels from 6:45 until 6:57 will not fix the problem! Perhaps scheduling an appropriate amount of time each day for them to choose an activity and even being somewhat flexible in when that occurs will help.

For example, if you have ½ hour planned for family time and you announce “hey kids, let’s do something fun together right now –whatever you want” you may get a “we’re watching this show” response. If you think about it and realize that you had also planned ½ hour for getting dinner, you can then respond “okay, how about after dinner?” and simply flip-flop these 2 activities.

The same holds true for our personal time. Schedule a time each day to relax, pray, meditate, or whatever re- energizes you. Maybe you can combine it with an exercise goal, like walking or jogging. But be deliberate about it and guard that time. Then, when work time comes, you don’t feel shortchanged personally.

As we start to plan, life will inevitably show us what else needs to be included in our schedule. Can’t find a pencil to fill out your planning calendar? When you do, plan some time in to straighten out your desk. Haven’t used your computer’s calendar program? Plan time to learn it! You will be glad you did.

(c) 2007 Robert J. Yanega